Signs of Cheating

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Statistics indicate that 85% of women who feel their lover is cheating on them are correct and that 50% of men who feel their lover is cheating are correct.If you have suspicions, consider some of the following and be as impartial as possible:

  • Be discreet when looking for information, and even if you feel you know for sure, consult with an investigator and/or an attorney before taking further action.  Tipping off your partner about your knowledge of the affair too soon could ruin your chances of obtaining evidence that can be used in court.
  • Adultery can be hard to prove, but it is especially difficult when the subject knows they are being watched. Be patient, use good judgment and seek professional assistance.

 

WHAT TO LOOK FOR:

Working a lot of “overtime”

Your partner claims that he or she needs to stay late or work unusual hours a lot.  If your partner is paid hourly, you may notice that the paycheck does not add up to all the extra hours that he or she has claimed to have been working.  Many people meet lovers at or through their jobs, so sudden changes in routine are legitimate causes for concern.

Unexplained Finances

Your partner has extra cash on hand, strange receipts, or unexplained transactions on bank statements. Your partner is suddenly secretive about known separate accounts or hides joint account statements.  You may also want to consider reviewing your partner’s credit card bills for unusual or unmentioned transactions.  (Unless you have joint accounts, review bank and credit card statements after they have been opened by your partner, as there may be legal consequences for opening mail without permission.)

Unusual Activities/Questions:

Your partner asks about your schedule more often than usual. Their clothes smell of perfume or cologne. Your partner suddenly begins showering/bathing immediately upon arriving home, or even before arriving home. Your partner starts doing or getting his/her laundry done independently.  Mileage on the car is high, yet he/she reports only short distance errands. Your partner begins asking about separating your finances or opens a separate bank account or post office box.  Friends see your partner at out of the way or uncharacteristic locations without you.  You find birth control items your partner does not use with you.  Your partner suddenly changes his/her attitude about previously established faith beliefs or refuses to attend services without explanation.  Your partner is unusually defensive or is very secretive.  Your partner begins uncharacteristically spending time with non-mutual or unidentified “friends,” or suddenly insists on having an independent social life.

No longer interested in sex:

As years go by, many partners experience changes in their sexual activity. However, if your partner completely or substantially eliminates sex from your relationship or if there is some other uncharacteristic change in your sex life, then you should consider that there may be an affair going on.

New sexual techniques

Over the years you and your partner always had sex a particular way and now your partner wants to change things. Sometimes these desired changes are a sign the partner wants to improve the relationship; other times, it is a sign that they are learning and enjoying these techniques with someone else.

Saying “I need my space”

Your partner tells you that he/she needs space, but cannot tell you why, or gives vague complaints regarding the relationship. This could be a way for him/her to move to the next stage: separation. You have a right to question what he/she is doing with this “space”.

Unexplained use of cell phone

Your partner begins hiding the phone bill or destroying all but the amount due sheet. Your partner begins carrying and using a phone card or alternate cell phone.  You begin finding suspicious or cryptic voice-mails or text messages. Phone calls from you are not returned in a timely fashion. Your partner leaves the house or goes to other rooms to talk on the phone.  Your partner begins deleting text messages and call history, but would not have bothered to do so in the past.  Your partner refuses to answer certain calls without explanation, but soon thereafter finds excuses to use the phone privately.

Unaccountable Hours

Your partner is not able to explain why he or she has not been where they say they have been. When you call, they are “unavailable” at work. Credit card transaction dates/times occurred during supposed “work” hours. These are the time frames to consider when scheduling surveillance.

Getting hang-up phone calls

Lovers, especially after an argument or fight with their married lover, may wish to get back at them.  Calling your home or cell phone is a way to make you aware that there is something going on without revealing their identity to you. Other times, the lover may simply be willing to call your home and take a chance that your partner will answer and have the opportunity to chat.

Excessive or secretive use of the internet

The internet has become a dating tool for both men and women.  It is perceived as relatively anonymous and many cheating partners are found to have used the internet to meet and communicate with lovers.  Unexplained late-night or secret use of the internet, suddenly deleting e-mail messages, using new or free e-mail accounts, and frequent “disk cleanup” activity may be signs of cheating.  If you notice a change in settings so that browsing history and cookies are deleted automatically every time the computer is shut down, it is possible  that your partner has something to hide.  If your partner isn’t savvy enough to hide them, you may find that the web browser history list contains a record of web sites visited.

Not wearing a wedding ring

If your partner no longer wears a wedding ring, it may be an indication that they want everyone to think that they are single/unhappy. Consider your partner’s cultural background, family traditions and past habits, since wearing a wedding ring does not have the same significance to everyone.  If your partner has always worn a wedding ring in the past, no longer wearing one should arouse some suspicion.

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